When man began to wander the earth in search of food, shelter and a good place to spend a Friday evening that plays great music but not too loud so you can hear what your friends are saying, he began to get lonely. Luckily, man learned how to domesticate animals and his loneliness ended. It was a joyous time full of stick throwing and tummy tickling.

He’ll never find me in here. (Source)

Unfortunately, man and beast have never quite been entirely harmonious in their continued co-habitation. Animals will continually overstep their boundaries with regards to personal space and flagrantly disregard strict ground rules enforced with a shaking finger and an empty threat. How do they apologise for such outrageous behaviour? Not with flowers or a card; not with a poem or a well-put-together apology – oh no. A look is all they have in their arsenal of forgiveness, but when the looks they give are as sincere as this, we can do nothing but forgive the little blighters, even if they have just chewed your curtains to threads. Enjoy.

12. Just another excuse to go shoe shopping…

I thought you’d prefer an open toe. (Source)

Those big brown eyes are enough to forgive anyone for the most heinous of crimes. Chewing the ends off all of your favourite shoes could be the most productive thing this little chap has done all day, but you couldn’t stay mad at him for too long, not with a face like that anyway.

Source

11. This place needed a splash of colour anyway…

You’ll thank us when we sell it for millions. (Source)

It would be fair to say that if you decide to keep pigs as pets in the house, then a mess is always going to ensue. It must have come as a shock for this owner to discover his miniature oinkers trying to unleash their inner Picasso… all over their faces.

Source

10. You can never have too many feathers…

I’m as disappointed in me as you are, honest. (Source)

Dogs and soft things go together like old tower blocks and 300 pounds of industrial grade dynamite. In both cases you’re going to need more than a dust pan and brush to clean up after the event. But look at the little guy; he’s learned his lesson… right?

Source

9. This’ll be a great story to tell the grandkids one day…

Our fabric conditioner comes recommended by raccoons. (Source)

How often does a raccoon end up in your freshly washed jeans? Be honest; not very often. So, you can probably forgive our hero with camera for not chasing the little critter out of there the second they saw him. Anyway, no one can resist that ‘just been washed’ feel.

Source

8. I would look better as a brunette, wouldn’t I ?

Gaga’s new stylist was an odd choice. (Source)

Dogs have never been that fond of hair extensions. This young pup has an excellent way of showing it. Anyone would take personal grooming tips from this little guy though; it’s one of the fringe benefits of being utterly adorable.

Source

7. I needed to re-pot that anyway…

We have no idea what we’re doing. (Source)

Ah cats; the most mysterious of God’s creatures. While most cats would prefer to mooch about the house not doing too much and generally holding themselves in much too high regard, these two have decided to do a little gardening. Although dogs are renowned for digging around in the dirt, you couldn’t get too angry at these little guys for doing it; besides, they probably wouldn’t care anyway.

Source

6. I suppose we should have got that re-upholstered years ago

I saw this in a Fred Bassett cartoon once. It wasn’t funny then either. (Source)

This guy certainly has a unique charm about him. It would be unkind to be angry at a dog that looks so at home in an office chair, even if he has ripped it to shreds. If you put a tie on him and gave him a flip chart, he would probably look like our boss.

Source

5. Well, you can’t make an omelette…

I may have misread the recipe… did it require eight or nine smashed up floor eggs? (Source)

Cats and cooking are never a good mix. Besides breaking every egg in the fridge, they also have a habit of leaving cat hairs everywhere, which – let’s be honest – never really adds to the flavour. This does beg the question of whether Garfield ever made his own lasagne. Answers on a postcard.

Source

4. You’re right; we should recycle more

Can we get Quattro Formaggi next time? (Source)

Ah, nothing beats the taste of day-old pizza… even when it’s spent the night in the bin with an empty box of Frosties and some napkins. There’s something about this dog’s eyes that says ‘waste not want not’. Hopefully, next time you’ll order a smaller-sized pizza; so, in a way, he’s sort of helped you out. Think about that as you clean up his mess.

Source

3. It was all junk mail anyway…

Your birthday cards came. They were delicious. (Source)

Dogs and postmen are not a good mix; just ask any postman on the face of the earth. There must be something so terrifyingly threatening about letters coming in through the post box that sets dogs off. Could it be the intrusion of a foreign body into the homestead or just the excitement at the most recent JC Penny sale?

Source

2. You’re right; I should upgrade to wireless…

Tastes like carrot. (Source)

We’ve all become a nation of technophiles. I know it, you know it and this rabbit definitely knows it. In all honesty, if you allow your rabbit onto your desktop, this is always going to happen. Never mind though; just look into those big, daft eyes, and all your frustration will be alleviated.

Source

1. You do need a comfy chair anyway…

Oh… you’re back early. (Source)

This is always to be expected if you’ve opted for a hound the size of a small horse. This owner chose to keep his Great Dane in a barn and paid the ultimate price, or rather, his sofa paid the ultimate price. He does look very pleased with himself though, and that seems to be the most important thing.

Source

Well, there you have it; twelve incredibly naughty pets who were instantly forgiven the second they looked at their masters. As a defence mechanism, they could do much worse. Surely the greatest destructive pet is not one of these seen above but rather the hero of the incredibly popular web cartoon – Simon’s Cat.

‘Meow’ (Source)

Simon’s Cat follows the exploits of a particularly destructive, but hugely loveable feline who, despite his best efforts, can do little right within his home, but is instantly forgiven by his long-suffering owner. It’s a must for cat owners everywhere.

Her cleaning hand is so fast, it defies photography. Source

As a child when you were forced to clean your room, you probably grabbed a duster and begrudgingly waved it at the furniture. Cleaning would have been less of a chore if you’d been given a turbo-molecular pump and a fusion reactor. What child wouldn’t want the ability to create temperatures up to 10,000 times hotter than the sun?

Don’t drop it! Source

These aforementioned technological wonders are just some of the fantastic tools used to create the cleanest places on planet Earth.

5. Class 1 Cleanroom

A cleanroom is an enclosed space that has a controlled level of particles within it. Typically used in manufacturing or scientific research, where any pollutants such as dust, microbes or vapours could damage the products or affect experiments, cleanrooms are unsurprisingly incredibly clean places.

Both rooms are equally creepy. Source

In a typical urban environment an average cubic metre of air contains 35 million particles larger than 0.5 micrometres. In a Class 1 cleanroom (US FED STD) only 2.5 particles, larger than 0.5 micrometres each, are per cubic metre of air. So this class of cleanroom is, on average, 14 million times cleaner than the world outside of your window.

What would your mother think? Source

To achieve this ridiculously high level of cleanliness, hermetically sealed rooms are fitted with numerous air filters through which the air is pumped. The room can only be accessed via a series of decontamination procedures such as air showers and airlocks. People working inside a cleanroom are required to be completely covered in special protective clothing so that they don’t contaminate the area, the filthy devils.

Source

4. Vacuum Chamber

If your research requires complex 6-axis XYZ manipulators and linear translators with optional electron beam heating and Helium cooled cryostats then you’ll definitely need a vacuum chamber.

Do not climb inside. Source

Vacuum chambers are sealed enclosures from which all the air has been pumped out. The resulting low pressure, commonly referred to as a vacuum, is used by researchers to carry out physical experiments or test mechanical devices without the results being contaminated by foreign bodies.

This is not a clean vacuum chamber. Source

Ultra-high vacuum chambers can create atmospheres containing as little as 100 particles per cubic centimeter. An average cubic centimeter of air contains as many as 10 trillion particles. This means that an ultra-high vacuum chamber can create an environment one hundred billion times cleaner than the air you are currently breathing (unless you’re reading this from a space station).

Source

3. The Centre of the Earth

According to Jules Verne’s 1864 science fiction novel Journey to the Centre of the Earth, the interior of our planet is populated by dinosaurs, giants and prehistoric mushrooms. Unfortunately for Verne this isn’t the case and instead the majority of the planet’s core is akin to a blast furnace.

A hard shell with a gooey centre. Source

Below the Earth’s outer silicate solid crust lies a highly viscous mantle, then a liquid outer core, and finally a solid inner core. At the core the pressure is 3.5 million times stronger than the pressure we feel on the surface. At the centre of the earth temperatures can reach over 6000 degrees Celsius, hotter than the surface of the sun.

The Sun is pretty cool, comparatively. Source

Nothing but solidified iron and nickel in gigantic crystal formations can exist down here. So if you could survive it (which you couldn’t unless you’re Superman) you wouldn’t find a single particle of dirt.

Source

2. Fusion Reactor

The centre of the Earth is pretty hot, and, by extension immaculately clean, but that is nothing compared to the heat that a fusion reactor can produce. Temperatures exceeding 15 million degrees Celsius have been recorded inside a fusion reactor, which is 30,000 times hotter than the surface of the sun.

Science has style. Source

It was hoped that fusion power would be the future of energy production. It has been over 60 years since experiments began and still no reliable reactor has been created. It is estimated that the use of fusion as a commercially viable energy source may not be likely for another 50 years.

This prediction was also made in the 1960’s (around 50 years ago).

To get to the past, you’ll have to do a U-turn. Source

For the time being, the cost of developing a fusion reactor means that it is prohibitively expensive for most industries; hopefully the future will bring more affordable means of obtaining this form of energy. The proliferation of fusion power would make the world (statistically at least) a much cleaner place.

Source

1. Large Hadron Collider

The cleanest place on Earth is the world’s largest and highest-energy particle accelerator, the Large Hadron Collider (LHC). Built by the European Organisation for Nuclear Research, this colossal collider took 10 years to complete and sits beneath the Franco-Swiss border near Geneva.

He better hope that isn’t a Decepticon in disguise. Source

Not only is the LHC the largest machine in the world, the most sophisticated supercomputer in the world, the most sensitive detector in the world and the fastest racetrack in the world, it also contains some of the hottest and coldest places in our solar system.

Super Mario would love this. Source

If this list didn’t make it special enough it is also the cleanest place on Earth. Inside the LHC is the emptiest space in our solar system. The experiments conducted within the LHC require it to have as few extraneous particles as possible. The ultra high vacuum creates a cavity as empty as interplanetary space, which is as clean as you can get, in our galaxy anyway.

Source

Gnarly. Source

Extreme heat or an extreme vacuum are the parameters required to create the cleanest places on Earth. However this doesn’t mean that if you have to tidy up you should set about creating a fusion reactor in an airtight container. That would be an extremely dangerous (and more importantly) costly way to clean. Instead why not save yourself the time and the risk of disintegration, and call some professional cleaners?

Leave it to the professionals. Source

Here is a collection of some of the most untidy desks in the World that we were able to find on the web. If you have a picture of a messy desk that you would like to be featured on this page then please send an email to info@master-cleaners.co.uk

1. Racist Soap

No comment required.

Source

2. Princess Bleach

Drink this bleach and be transported to a wonderful butterfly meadow A.K.A. THE EMERGENCY WARD YOU SILLY GIRL.

Source

3. Terror Soap

Victorian England was a funny old place, this picture of an abused child was supposed to make you purchase soap, look at the terror on the poor child’s face.

OH THE HUMANITY!

Source

4. Fresh Step Cat Litter

This cat has just been kicked in the knackers.

Source

5. Evil Eye Soap Balls

I’m sure Shlomo’s balls are the key to cleanliness.

Well Shlomo certainly looks happy. What are you so happy about Shlomo?

Please Shlomo, please, no, No, NO!!! ARGGGGGG!!!

This face is the last thing 28% of people see before they die.

Source

6. USA Detergent

Not only does is make your clothes huggable soft, it turns you into a four armed child thief. RUN FOR THE HILLS LITTLE ONE!

Source

7. USA “Clone” Detergent

If you use this detergent not only will it create an oversized doppelganger of your child, it will also attempt to steal their cloths; to hide its filthy, shameful body.

Source

8. Instore Detergent Promotion

Thank you, oh mother, for the gift of life. Now get scrubbing out these skidders.

Source

9. Fairy Soap.

Do you have a little ‘Fairy’ in your home? They are renowned for their excellent personal grooming. Furthermore, this advert features an ancestor of Lassie, notice the dogs disapproving stare.

Source

10. Eye Cleaner

My eyes are dirty, I must remove them.

Source

11. Ivory Soap

This woman owes her wonderful slime to generous applications of creamy white liquid.

Source

12. Tide Washing Powder

The bottle is coloured red to show the tasty pork products contained within.

Source

Special Bonus! – 4 Inappropriately named detergents.

I’m sure all four leave your clothes whiter than white.

It’s easy to take for granted the relative cleanliness of your surroundings when it’s all you know, and it’s safe to say that most of the people reading this will no doubt have grown up in societies equipped with the resources necessary to keep their local communities — streets, rivers, parks, etc. — free of litter and pollution, or at least clean enough not to have their health threatened. Sadly it’s not that easy the world over, and for the communities seen below such basic and essential resources aren’t (or weren’t at the time of the photos being taken) available.

Marilao River, Bulacan, Phillipines

Image Source

Above: The Marialo River in Bulacan, Phillipines, was classified in 2007 as one of the “Dirty 30″, a list of the most polluted places in the developing world. At the time of the survey, it was found that industrial waste was routinely dumped in the area’s river system.

Yoff, Dakar, Senegal

Images’ Source

Above: Scenes from Yoff, a small town just north of Dakar, Senegal. A sea of litter stretches from local homes down to the coast.

Mumbai, India

Images’ Source

Above: A hideous but all too common sight in the slums of Mumbai, India. Locals avoid the waste by walking along the enormous pipes that carry clean water to affluent neighbourhoods.

Naples, Italy

Image Sources: 1; 2

Above: Amazing photographs from Naples in 2008, at a time when a garbage crisis had caused chaos in the area due to the local mafia’s inability to control the local garbage industry for one reason or another. The crisis has since been contained.

Citarum River, Java, Indonesia

Images’ Source

Above: Workers valiantly attempt to clean the Citarum, one of the world’s most polluted rivers, during a clean-up operation that began in 2008.

Estero de Paco, Manila

Image Sources: 1; 2

Above: These rivers in Manila are apparently so dense with litter that small animals are regularly seen running up and down in search of food. The resultant odour is said to be unbearable.

Here:

Paul Hazelton

Image Source

Dust-sculptor Paul Hazelton is 44 years of age, and cites his being “brought up in an immaculate environment that was really clean” as the catalyst for his obsession with all things dirty. Whatever the reason, others are certainly impressed, as his various delicate sculptures—formed by Hazelton patiently moulding moistened dust particles—have been exhibited all over the world. Subjects range from briefcases through to entire rooms, each as impressive as the next.

Scott Wade

Image Source

Scott Wade became something of an Internet sensation a few years back when photos of his unique artwork surfaced online, and it’s still easy to see why. Scott’s canvas of choice is the windscreens of cars; his medium, dirt. Just as countless kids mischievously write their names into the filthy windows of vehicles the world over, Wade takes it a few steps further and uses the grubby glass to recreate scenes of astounding detail. Since the exposure, Scott has even used his talents to craft adverts onto dirt-covered cars.

Click here to visit his website.

Maria Lopez

Image Source

To support herself whilst at college in Philadelphia a few years ago, Columbian art student Maria Lopez took on a cleaning job. It was then that she realised she had access to endless supplies of art materials, in the form of dirt; specifically the household dirt that was conveniently being gathered in the bag of her trusty vacuum cleaner. The amazing dust-houses pictured above are the result of her project.

Click here to visit her website.

Hannah Bertram

Image Source

The beautiful, intricate artwork seen above was crafted by Australian artist Hannah Bertram and housed in a number of peoples’ homes during 2010 — on floors, tables and walls. The materials used were determined by the setting, and included marble dust; ash from bushfires; and dust from sheds, artists studios and behind couches. Regardless of the dust’s source, the resulting scene was, without fail, spellbinding.

Click here to visit her website.

James Croak

Image Source

James Croak is a New York-based artist with a difference: he builds sculptures using the dirt beneath our feet. His work has been shown in various galleries and is incredibly realistic despite the medium used. The most striking of his pieces, as seen above, depict humans in various stages of growth, from newborn through to fully grown adult. Each and every piece seems to haunt the viewer.

Click here to visit his website.

If, however, your home is dirtier than any of those shown below, get some professional cleaning help. Seriously.

Okay. Hold your breath…

PHOTO SOURCES: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

1. They all feature human beings cleaning windows; human beings born, presumably, with brains.

2. They all illustrate a total lack of common sense on behalf of the cleaners in question, more often than not because they’re unable/unwilling to muster the time/money/brainpower necessary to do the cleaning safely.

3. They all make me depressed and strangely exhilarated. I’m sure you’ll experience a similarly thrilling level of discomfort.

Hold on tight.

Image Source

Above: An old lady does the unthinkable and cleans her window from the comfort of the sill, in what looks like snowy weather.

Image Source

Above: An intelligent chap, determined not to be beaten by the unreachable, rests his ladder on a ledge barely deep enough to hold it.

Image Source

Above: 400ft up, on the 34th floor of a hotel in Dubai, a bright young man cleans a window and proceeds to make all onlookers instantly queasy.

Image Source

Above: This guy’s barely even gripping the building as he unprofessionally attempts to cut corners.

Image Source

Above: Words can’t describe just how insane this is.

Image Source

Above: Numerous students at Liaoning University in China decide to dice with death simultaneously and clean their windows with reckless abandon.

Image Source

Above: Vintage window cleaning insanity from 1985.

EMPIRE STATE BUILDING

Image Source

Above: Workers calmly clean the Empire State Building in 1932, attached to its exterior by way of a simple harness. Pedestrians on the streets below are nothing but dots in the distance.

BIG BEN

Image Source

Image Source

Above: In 2007, a team of workers hang in front of Big Ben, bucket in hand, and clean the clock-face. In the next photo, a Mr. Larkin is lowered from the top of Big Ben to do the same job, but in 1930.

THE SPACE NEEDLE

Image Source

Image Source

Image Source

Image Source

Image Source

Above: In 2008, three gutsy employees of Karcher GmbH & Co ascended Seattle’s 600ft-high Space Needle and blasted its exterior with pressure washers; its first clean since 1962.

THE WORLD TRADE CENTER

Image Source

Above: Two brave men clean the North Tower of the World Trade Center, then the tallest building on Earth.

MOUNT RUSHMORE

Image Source

Image Source

Image Source

Above: In 2005, five pressure washers filled with cold water were carefully aimed at the Mount Rushmore sculpture in a bid to clean its four enormous heads. The job took three weeks to complete.

BEIJING AQUATICS CENTER

Image Source

Image Source

Above: Prior to its opening as a venue for the Olympic Games in 2008, the bubbled surface of Beijing’s huge ‘Water Cube” aquatics centre was cleaned.

THE BURJ KHALIFA

Image Source

Image Source

Above: The world’s tallest building requires a lot of cleaning; especially its windows as it boasts a whopping 1,292,500 sq ft of glass and is whipped by sand on a daily basis. The second photo shows one of many boom units used to lower workers.

THE ROCKEFELLER CENTER

Image Source

Above: A fearless cleaner stands precariously on a ledge of the Rockefeller Center in Manhattan, in 1961.